If I never amount to anything in this life, I can at least be proud that I once set a precedent in West Australian Law. In May, 1998, I was the first person in this state to face court over importing the prohibited narcotic, ephedrine.

I had bought the ephedrine during a fifteen day trip to Bali with my good friend Booger. We were there to shoot a sequel to our short film Shaft at 45 entitled Shaft in Bali: The Brother-man in Some-other-land and, of course, to enjoy the 'anything goes, as long as you got cash' lifestyle of Bali.

To a couple of young lads from Perth, Bali seems like a large, humid Rottnest. Some days were spent filming Booger, dressed in platform thongs and an afro wig, giving hi-fives to the locals. Other days were spent riding and subsequently crashing our hired motorbikes. Nights were spent squatting on the curb drinking cheap Balinese beer with a group of crazy foreign travellers, listening to them sing the theme to Neighbours in Dutch, or French, or Icelandic. Early mornings were spent dancing at the Sari Club or vomiting in our hotel room from too much Arak. This is not to say we weren't interested in the local culture. I was especially keen to sample the famous Balinese magic mushrooms.

For the reasonable price of $8 you can get enough mushroom milkshake to twist your mind for about five hours. After a visit to the 'milk bar', the humidity mixes with the mushrooms so it feels like you are walking through thick warm goo. Wading slowly down the pavement the sensory input from the foreign sights, smells and sounds is often so great that you have to stand still for a while to gather your wits. Other tourists look confused and step around you, but the Balinese hawkers know what's going on; they have hit the jackpot. Within seconds you are surrounded by forty boxes full of flashing yoyo's, singing lighters and fireworks. In your scattered state you don't know your own name let alone the value of the foreign currency you have in your hands, so you end up paying $20 for a blow up Power Ranger that would have cost a straight person about 20 cents.

It was during one of these mushroom experiences, whilst Booger and I were setting off fireworks on Kuta beach, that we met Andrew. Andrew was also from Perth and told us about a whole range of exotic medicines that while not available or in fact legal in Australia, were available over the counter in Balinese chemists. One of these was ephedrine, a legal over the counter wake up drug that cost 2000 rupee for 20 tablets. 2000 rupee at this time was worth about 40 cents. Six to ten tablets would give you goose bumps and keep you awake all night.

I knew that pseudo-ephedrine was available in Australia, in the form of Sudafed, so I figured ephedrine must be at least pseudo-legal. With this rationale I grabbed 300 tablets to take back to Australia.

On the way home we were seated next to a group of Troppo Zone lads. They were loud and obnoxious, but they got prompt service from the flight staff and during the short trip back to Perth they made sure we got our fair share of gin and tonics. By the time we left flight GA 878 we were all drunk and giving loud goodbyes in the customs line. This, or the fact that I was bare footed, got us the attention of Customs and just after we collected our luggage a tall uniformed gent came over to talk with me and Booger. He asked us where we had been and what we had been doing whilst we were in Bali, acting slightly interested in our stories of film-making and bungie-jumping. He soon came around to what he was really asking. "Do you guys have any food in your bags?" he asked. We didn't. "Do you have any narcotics in your baggage?" Of course not. "Do you have any ephedrine in your bag?" A more savvy drug smuggler might have said 'no'. I said 'yes'.

I was lead into a room with two shiny metal tables. Next to one table a dreadlocked character, about my age, was being searched. We gave weak smiles to each other as his surfboard bag was examined and my bag was being opened. The fifteen boxes of ephedrine tablets were just sitting on top of my shambled clothes, still with the bag and receipt I had got from the chemist. The Customs Officer told me to take a seat and explained that he would have to phone the Federal Police to lay down the charge. I breathed a silent sigh of relief that a cavity search was not needed.

Some time later the customs officer returned with the travel statement I had filled out in between drinks on the flight home. He showed me the first question 'Are you bringing into Australia any goods that may be prohibited, or subject to special conditions including illicit drugs, steroids, firearms or other weapons?' to which I had ticked 'No'. This false statement and the ephedrine importation, the officer explained, would result in two charges once the Federal Police arrived and I was interviewed. After about an hour of waiting, I was lead into the interview room, tired from the sleepless two weeks in Bali and beginning to get a hangover from the flight home.

Despite the seriousness of my situation, the scene in the interview was so amusing I'm sure I must have had a stupid grin on my face during the whole thing. Officer Robert Wales, the Fed, played the bad cop, Mike Larse, the Customs Officer who had searched my bag, played the good cop, and Booger's dad, a banker who had come out to pick us up, played as my lawyer. Good Cop: You don't have to say anything, but what you do say will be recorded and may be used against you in court. Bad Cop: Why did you tick 'no' on the travel statement? An innocent person would not have ticked 'no', an innocent man would not have brought in 300 tablets. Good Cop: It's no big deal, your're not in any trouble, just tell us the truth. Bad Cop: Who was the ephedrine for? You're nicked son. Lawyer: I think Paul has been very coporative. I think this should be taken into account during the trial.

A week following the interview I received my summons; and three months later on the 14th of May, I was due in court. Being a student and fresh from a trip to Bali, I didn't have a cent to my name, but managed to get the help of Ben, an old UWA Social Club President and general booze hound, who was working as a lawyer at the time. I dressed in my most conservative threads; a cardigan, a collared shirt and a pair of corduroy pants, gave my hair a nice parting and caught a bus into the city. I was going with the theory that the Law, in general, is full of nerds and they would be more lenient on one of their own.

In the ten minutes before we entered the court room I gave Ben a quick run down on what had happened. It was the first time we had spoken about the case. I told him about the plan to push the nerd angle. He told me that he didn't know much about Criminal Law.

The prosecuting side had two lawyers, each with a large file of papers, and another two suits at the back of the room, one of them being Officer Wales from the airport. The Judge, a lady in her 50's, entered and the case began with the prosecuting lawyer's address. He seemed slightly nervous, probably rattled by my nerdy attire and the fact that whilst he had the resources of two files of information, we were armed with a twenty page Criminal Law pamphlet.

Contrasting the nervous prosecuting lawyer, Ben was in fine form. "I've known Paul for the last five years and know he is of impeccable character" he says. "Paul has received excellent marks in his Physics course at University and hopes to pursue scientific research as a career. A criminal record would severely harm his future career." On he went, whilst I had to bite my tongue to stop laughing. Ben and I had met perhaps five times before that day and I had just finished serving a one year sanction for failing second year Physics.

The Judge, however, bought it and gave me the least she could; a spent conviction, a two year good behaviour bond and a thousand dollar fine plus court costs. It was a far cry from the criminal record and fine in the order of tens of thousands of dollars that the prosecuting lawyer had asked for. "In my day we were quite happy with just coffee." the Judge quipped as she closed the case. It was a victory for the pseudo-nerd and a precedent for all those caught with ephedrine.