The Kilbot Factory blog

Badger's post there in the Ol' Shoutbot™ has reminded me of the names I have planned for my children:

1. Jesus. For my first born son, and I would push the whole package.. “Yes son, a lot of people have been waiting a long time for you. You've got a lot of work to do.” When I told my mum of my plans to call my first born son Jesus she started crying…

2. Hygienic-Lily. For my first born daughter. Hygienic-Lily's are those little plastic lids that come with your favourite beverage from your favourite fast food restaurant. A beautiful pairing of words and the hyphen makes it so classy.

3. Nasdaq. For the next child, boy or girl, preferably Asian. My best scientific research indicates that the youngest child is always the most technologically advanced, and how good would it be to have a computer whiz kid called Nasdaq in the house.

Well, it must have been a hard choice, but the ABC reports that the winner of the stupidest statement of the year (Foot In Mouth) award goes to… Donald Rumsfeld. Closely followed by Arnie's view of gay marriage. Check it out:
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Rumsfeld wins 'Foot in Mouth' award

A bizarre comment by US Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld on the hunt for Iraq's weapons of mass destruction has been awarded the "Foot in Mouth" prize by Britain's Plain English Campaign.

Mr Rumsfeld, renowned for his uncompromising tough talking, received the prize for the most baffling comment by a public figure.

"Reports that say something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know," Rumsfeld told a press briefing.

"We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.

"But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know."

John Lister, spokesman for the campaign which strives to have public information delivered in clear, straightforward English, said: "We think we know what he means. But we don't know if we really know."

Mr Rumsfeld, whose boss US President George W Bush is often singled out by language critics for his sometimes unusual use of English, took the booby prize ahead of a bizarre effort from actor-turned politician Arnold Schwarzenegger.

"I think that gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman," was the odd statement from the new California Governor.

Previous holders of the award include US actress Alicia Silverstone and Britain's Chancellor Gordon Brown.

Last year's winner was actor Richard Gere.

Just to think, this time, last week, the world was not ready for the eclectic stylings of The DR Boyz, and their ode to date-rape/ one-night stands, in the form of the Hit/ Mega-Single “The Sleepy Song”…

And who better to epitomise the sentiment that “some people say Im a little creepy, just coz I like me girls a lil' sleepy” than The Whore Princess, Ms Works Hard For The Money Hilton!

Is there a harder worker in showbizness? Amazingly, Ms Whoreton appeared in no less than 2,736 articles this past week - and the only one which appared to relate to any discernable “talent”, was in reference to her ability to perform sex acts whilst maintaining the same coc-eyed, sleepy glare she is sooooo famous for!

This can only mean one thing….SHE IS ON SELF-ADMINISTERED ROHYPHONOL 24-7!! Truly, she is the Princess Whore of Rohy Royalty!

We had a jocks vs nerds bash on Friday night. Here is photographic evidence of the affair.
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Pictures pretty much tell the story, although there were many amusing tete-a-tetes that weren't captured to camera (I had trouble focusing both the camera and my eyes).

There really was a funky ole' jamboree going down in the study, KL reckons we were playing 'patience' by guns n' roses but it was a very free version - wallbuxx on guitar, KL on broken piano accordian and myself on the didgeridoo. The best comment on that situation was made by Orsini when he walked in going "what is that racke… WHAT IN THE F**KING HELL ARE YOU DOING?".

Once again, another tragic death in the life of a childstar….Jonathon Brandis, click here for details…

Some call it “The NeverEnding Curse” - others, who aren't looking for hackeneyed cliches, refer to it as “The SeaQuest Heart-Throbs…No More!” aaaahhhhh pun! Do you think his last words were “See you in Hell ATRREEEEYOOOOOOOOO!”

Yes, It's true - You favourite uncle Bigg Daddy Wallbuxx has got mainframe access now (IN YO FACE “CENSORED” Bagder!)and as such, it falls upon me to report and update y'all on the truly crucial matters, which consist of: (exhaustive list)

- TV/ Celebrity
- Legalities
- Wrestling
- Tall Poppy Trimming

B-Diddy “That's Beef!”
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That's pretty much all you need to get by in life, and the sooner you figure that out, the sooner you can drop ya shitty PhD's about microlumbar fillinpoppies magnospectrum's an shit, and start living in THE REAL WORLD!!

And every Monday, when I am usually still simmering from a hard weekends' brain frazzling, I shall single out one person who is thoroughly deserving of my venemous wrath, in a segment I call,

What's Beef

Holly Valance - are you still here? Hasn't "Bizarro Holly" (ie Delta) crammed enough crow into your pies lately? Been biting any hands that feeds ya? Once you've taken off ALL YOUR CLOTHES on your FIRST filmclip, where do you go?

I'd be the first one to tell you exactly where, but I'll also leave that up to the fine readership here at Kilbot.net to poke a few fun suggestions..

Oh yeah, and leave your Brandis tributes too…If you can combine it with the Valance-diss, you are a true samaritan!!

B-Diddy "That's Beef!"