Jewish-Sicilian Army To Sweep Over Nation And Destroy Melbourne
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ACHTUNG!
Be warned mothers - Brett Hirsch and Giovanni Torre will be leaving Perth on the morning of January 5th and driving - DRIVING - to Melbourne.
I have a driving test booked for late November and with any luck by January I will have passed one and completed the other requirements. I am buying a big ol' ex-taxi from my brother. This car will be known as El Monstro - as a tribute to David Mensch. It runs on auto-gas so the trip won't bankrupt us completely.
We will captain El Monstro in shifts. We will definitely be stopping in Kalgoorlie and Adelaide. I am not sure where else.
We should arrive in Melbourne by January 10th at the lastest. Once there we will impose our unwashed carcasses on everyone we know in the city. Gawain, Harry, Kilbot, Fancy D, Curtis T, Davros, Dennis, Alistair - LOOK OUT.
We will spend about two weeks in Melbourne and might just drive to Sydney for a lark while there. Then we will drive home.
GOD PROTECT VICTORIA!
Polling by The Kilbot Factory shows that a whopping 93% of Americans believe that George W. Bush sucks Satan's cock…
Not to scale
… though it still might be some time before we know whether the American people think this is a good thing or a bad thing.
Support for sucking Satan's cock is traditionally strong among Christian and homophobic voters, but this election sees a large number of young voters who are concerned that the president is becoming Satan's bitch… the rest of the world can only watch.
EDIT (9.10pm EST)
America chooses the worst cock-smoker in living memory.
Kerry will (rightly) wait for the final outcome from Ohio, may be have a bit of a flutter in court, but it won't change the fact that the Republicians have increased their majority in both the Senate and the House of Reps, and Bush has increased his overall vote.
And that's about it really. In the semi-famous lastish words of Alfred Packer, “When things get really bad and the world looks its darkest, you just have to throw up your hands and say, 'well, all right', cos it's probably going to get a whole hell of a lot worse.”
Giovanni posted an interesting article in the comments of the previous news item and Barney quite rightly suggested it should come up for discussion in its own right. In the article and the follow-up article, Linguistics professor George Lakoff looks at how conservatives use language to dominate politics… the articles deal with American politics, but many of the issues transfer easily to Australian politics.
The articles support a lot of the ideas that were discussed earlier on kilbot.net, including Gawain's proposition for a Left-wing think tank and Fancy's call for a campaign to reverse this misnomer of lefties being elitist… Lakoff doesn't discuss my LSD theory explicitly, but he's from UC Berkeley so you know he would agree.
It is any surprise that the conservative revolution in Australian politics comes at a time when LSD is a forgotten acronym amongst our youth? Is there any doubt that the lack of acid on our streets is directly responsible for the rise in church activity amongst our best and brightest?
Not in this reporter's opinion.
The lack of good quality hallucinogens is creating a generation of subservient Australians. No longer excited by ideals of peace, love and mind expansion, The Kids are shunning the counterculture… weak characters looking for a new direction are slipping one by one into the conservative cluches of the Liberal Party.
Members of the Labor faithful are asking, “What are we to do?” Here's what you do. Put Mark Latham at the wheel of the LaborFM Thunderbus and for the next three years he drives around Australia handing out free Kool-Aid and hosting acid tests in every townhall. The People will know he has arrived when they hear the 2007 campaign song from mounted speakers on the bus… Kevin Rudd will play bongos dressed as a court jester, Lindsay Tanner will speak beat poetry through a megaphone… and perhaps “Howard's battlers” will forget about their hip pocket when they're skinny dipping in the lake with Julia Gillard.
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<center><img src="http://www.kilbot.net/news/uploads/acid.gif" style="border: 1px solid black;" alt="I’m not like the others" /><br /><br />Picture of a cat (possibly <a href="http://www.kilbot.net/news/uploads/atomic.jpg" target="_blank">Atomic</a>) drawn by Kilbot when on LSD, 2001.</center>
I am now ready to consider options for the future. My anger has subsided a little (note the absence of swearing), but I am still deeply depressed by the outcome of the election. I have spent the last two days like most people I know; in bed with a bottle of wine.
I have read on other sites lots of comments to quit our whinging, to accept the result, learn from our mistakes and move on. We will do this. We have managed to smile under a Howard government for eight and a half years, and we will smile again… but please give us a chance to grieve.
I throw the comments section open to ideas and suggestions for the next three years.