Limbo
I hate this time of year.
No more footy, the cricket hasn't started, and all we have is the trade week and draft to see us through.
Meh.
That is all.
Archive for 'Sport'
Mark Williams Wins Doc Wheildon Medal
Hawthorn’s Mark Williams, the 180cm full-foward and Australia’s answer to “Shooter” McGavin (not to be confused with David McGann), has been awarded the Doc Wheildon Medal for being the leading goal-kicker from the bottom four clubs.
Last year, Richmond’s Matthew Richardson won the inaugural “Doc” with 60 goals.
Williams, who scored 63 goals in only 19 games, was unavailable to comment on his receiving the AFL’s least known but arguably most important honour.
The medal is named for Darren “Doc” Wheildon, who played 70 games and kicked 160 goals in his 1989-1994 career at the Fitzroy Football Club.
Fraud and Tyranny at Football Park
The bogan/drug-dealer/serial killer unholy trinity has triumphed with massive bribery and blackmail securing a Port Adelaide “win”. Shame.
Melbourne pulled a similar scam and denied the Dogs – the second best team in the league after St Kilda – their rightful finals berth. Shame.
So now – The Saints will smish Adelaide, despite the massive corruption that will occur. The Dirty Birds will claw the Swans. North will mince Port and send them packing back to their ground of ill-repute. The clash of the also-rans (GFC vs Dees) will end with a narrow Cats win. It’s all academic though, as the unstoppable Saints will march on to the flag.
Saints – first since 1966 and second since 1897 – in 2005.
Fight to the finish!
AKA – Final Fight.
Apparently the Dockers have only won twice at Football Park and three times against the Port Adelaide Football Club. Does this concern me? Fuck no!
Port are a spent force. A Fremantle win will stitch up 7th spot for the purple army.
KEY: Pav is unstoppable, like Zabka in Shootmaster and Shootmaster II. Port’s ruckmen will be no match for Grimlock. Freo – too much drive in the midfield and too many forward options for Port to counter.
The GFC have a big percentage but North (sorry, ‘Kangaroos’) are unlikely to fall to Carlton so the Cats will hang on to 6th after handing out a hiding to Richmond at KP.
This leaves Geelong playing Fremantle in the first week of the finals, in Victoria. Hopefully not at the MCG – Freo’s home away from home – but at the Dome, which both teams hate.
Prediction? GFC by 7 points despite 5 goals from the Pav.
KEY: Jimmy Bartel. Baldy Chapman is back, and several Geelong stars will be fully recovered like the currently half-fit Steve “Shuffle” Johnson, Lord Henry Playfair and Tom Harley. GFC defence and midfield too strong. Wildcard – the Baby Jesus.
(Note: If Freo buck my prophecy and win this final they will go ALL THE WAY).
The Dogs will win and knock the Dees – who will lose to the Dons – out. If I am mistaken in that regard, North will knock the Dees straight out of the finals and on to their punk asses anyway.
KEY: Melbourne are soft. North are lead by the Junk Yard Dog – Dean “Hardest Man Alive” Laidley.
In the event of North vs Footscray, the mighty Dogs will get up.
KEY: Rohan Smith.
Sydney will lose to Adelaide because Football Park isn’t a postage-stamp like their own deformed home patch.
KEY: Football Park is not a postage stamp.
The Dirty Birds will cling to top spot and face the Saints. The DBs will win in Perth, and then win again, and then be crushed by the Saints in the Grand Final.
KEY: The Grand Final is not played at Subiaco Oval.
Saints for the flag, Dirty Birds running up, unless Freo win against the GFC in the first week of the finals.
Discuss.
KizzL’s AFL Compizzle Fo Shizzle
An important message from DJ KL.
In the absence of BDW, I have taken over the asylum!!
You are invited to join my AFL 2005 Footy tipping competition at OzTips.com – Your Sports Tipping Headquarters online.
Comp Number: 51792
Comp Name: KizzL’s AFL Compizzle Fo Shizzle
Password to join: thewizard
To join:
—————-
1. Go to www.oztips.com.
2. From the home page, select “I’m new and I want to tip”, and setup a user account (if you don’t already have one on OzTips.com).
3. Select “I want to join a Tipping Comp” on the home page, or the “Tipping” tab.
4. Enter the Comp Number and Password details above.
5. That’s it. Full instructions on how to tip can be found on the site by clicking on the “Help” tab.
Regards,
DJ K to the I-zzL
"Old Butcher" Cuts Up Aussies
Shahid Afridi – The Old Butcher – took the game away from the Australian XI tonight in the blinking of an eye and shook the WACA to its foundations.
Afridi came to the crease when Yousuf Youhana’s dismissal left the tourists at 6/170 after 36.4 overs, needing 95 off 80 for victory. When he was dismissed with the fifth ball of the 41st over, Pakistan was 7 for 223, needing 43 off 49.
Afridi scored 30 off 13 – hitting two sixes and three fours.
Abdul Razzaq and Rana guided Pakistan to victory from there.
The Old Butcher has averaged over 30 at a strike rate of about 180 this series. He puts the Windies on the chopping block on Tuesday.
The Shahid Afridi fan club will be present. Keep an eye out for our banner and drums.
Born To Be A Clive
The Billy Zabka Of Football
For all the fans of pure football – “pure” in the sense of watching an innocent 6 year old pick up a football for the first time – today marks a truly tragic day, as veteran “athlete” Clive Waterhouse aka The Waterhose aka Crazyhorse aka The Clive aka The Athletic One was unceremoniously DUMPED from the Dockers playing list, as of this year.
This truly comes as a shock to me, being your humble yet omnipotent fooseball correspondent, as “Spray Like A” Waterhose, after 8 years, was actually finally starting to realise his potential, and comprehend the intricacies of the game (ie mark ball hands, drop ball foot, ball kick goal, ball kick player, no ball no play, etc.). His form for The Mighty Tiges far more warranted a callback than, say, Gilmore, Dunn, or James “Ghost Who Plays 100″ Walker, and it was like his mutated albino freak brain was overcoming 27 years of clouded judgment, and it would all finally come together, culminating in a valuable forward flank position…
Alas, the game loses another Entity! I’m not talking Carey, Ablett “Entity” – I’m talking The Real Quirkheads Of The Game – Zanotti, Tommy Alvin, [King] Allen Jakovich, Mark Jacko Jackson, Capper, Bhudda Hocking, Doc Wheeldon, Simon Mintie-Connell, Clinton Wolf, Simmo “Doggystyle” Atkins, Wizard Mk.2, Justin Madden, Scotty Cummings(yaface), Jarrod “Train In A Flannel” Molloy – actual CHARACTERS of the game! Guys that you’d watch, not just for their skills or complete lack thereof, but just to see if something truly crazy memorable went down ala God Jakovich doing his patented 50m kick into the grandstand when only 2m out from goal!! or everyone grabbing Tommy Alvin’s hair as a legitimate tackle…
I think [their story] is best summed up through this quote on The Clive:
“How often can you remember a smile creasing your lips, possibly even breaking into laughter, while watching Clive play?”
The more sterile and “fluid” this great game of ours becomes, the more likely we are to lose these great characters of the game to 20-pound weakling robot-clones (see Eagles draftlist 98-02).
Damian Drum, as shit a coach and a haircut as you like, was actually onto something when he drafted a gangly piece of turd with a shock of white hair and a 400ft vertical leap – Drummy knew comedy, and if you don’t beleive that, I point to his request to keep coaching after his 1-win season!
Hopefully Clive’s tragic story will inspire us all to cherish these true Legends Of The Game….
*Deez for premiers 2004
The Tale of Burley
As you may or may not know, last weeks Freo game against the Bwissie Lions was the Paterson’s Guide Dog Game.
Anyway, they had a competition to name three puppies, and I was one of the lucky winners: I suggested the name “Burley” for Luke McPharlin’s puppy. It’s a long story, but basically the name came to me in a dream, so I am some kind of crazy soothsaying psychic.
So, Lou and I got to go to a corporate function before the game, have an excellent lunch, tank up on free booze, and generally run amok with the VIPs.
Then we got ushered down to the oval at about 1.45 for a puppy presentation and a quick interview with that uber-hack Orion from 92.9.
Standing on the oval was a very bizarre and surreal experience. Not something you get to do every day. Luckily we had my dad’s digicam, so we were able to document the moment for your enjoyment.
If you are lucky you will be able to check our photos here.
(If the interweb decides that it won’t let you see the pics, I will sort something out next week.)
Oh yeah, and the Dockers crushed the Lions like BUGS. All in all a pretty mintox day.
KISS and The Colonel
Ah yes, straight from the horse’s mouth to your eyes (so to speak), it’s Colonel Cameron “I Love Face Make Up” Schwab with two unmasked freaks…
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