The Kilbot Factory blog

The bogan/drug-dealer/serial killer unholy trinity has triumphed with massive bribery and blackmail securing a Port Adelaide “win”. Shame.

Melbourne pulled a similar scam and denied the Dogs - the second best team in the league after St Kilda - their rightful finals berth. Shame.

So now - The Saints will smish Adelaide, despite the massive corruption that will occur. The Dirty Birds will claw the Swans. North will mince Port and send them packing back to their ground of ill-repute. The clash of the also-rans (GFC vs Dees) will end with a narrow Cats win. It's all academic though, as the unstoppable Saints will march on to the flag.

Saints - first since 1966 and second since 1897 - in 2005.

AKA - Final Fight.

Apparently the Dockers have only won twice at Football Park and three times against the Port Adelaide Football Club. Does this concern me? Fuck no!

Port are a spent force. A Fremantle win will stitch up 7th spot for the purple army.

KEY: Pav is unstoppable, like Zabka in Shootmaster and Shootmaster II. Port's ruckmen will be no match for Grimlock. Freo - too much drive in the midfield and too many forward options for Port to counter.

The GFC have a big percentage but North (sorry, 'Kangaroos') are unlikely to fall to Carlton so the Cats will hang on to 6th after handing out a hiding to Richmond at KP.

This leaves Geelong playing Fremantle in the first week of the finals, in Victoria. Hopefully not at the MCG - Freo's home away from home - but at the Dome, which both teams hate.

Prediction? GFC by 7 points despite 5 goals from the Pav.

KEY: Jimmy Bartel. Baldy Chapman is back, and several Geelong stars will be fully recovered like the currently half-fit Steve “Shuffle” Johnson, Lord Henry Playfair and Tom Harley. GFC defence and midfield too strong. Wildcard - the Baby Jesus.

(Note: If Freo buck my prophecy and win this final they will go ALL THE WAY).

The Dogs will win and knock the Dees - who will lose to the Dons - out. If I am mistaken in that regard, North will knock the Dees straight out of the finals and on to their punk asses anyway.

KEY: Melbourne are soft. North are lead by the Junk Yard Dog - Dean “Hardest Man Alive” Laidley.

In the event of North vs Footscray, the mighty Dogs will get up.

KEY: Rohan Smith.

Sydney will lose to Adelaide because Football Park isn't a postage-stamp like their own deformed home patch.

KEY: Football Park is not a postage stamp.

The Dirty Birds will cling to top spot and face the Saints. The DBs will win in Perth, and then win again, and then be crushed by the Saints in the Grand Final.

KEY: The Grand Final is not played at Subiaco Oval.

Saints for the flag, Dirty Birds running up, unless Freo win against the GFC in the first week of the finals.

Discuss.

IT'S A CELEBRATION BITCHES!
FINALLY, a mainpage article we can all read and rail on!
Yes faithful, The Bigg Daddy has returned to the mainframe ready to inflict some sage advice and profanity-laced punishment to all'n'sundry who dare to not “bring the realness”…

—–EXTENDED BODY:
Now I'm sure the first thing buzzing in ya braincells right now is "MUST KILL FROG", but after that, most likely "Wassup wit a hardcore pipe-hittin' fool like ma mang, Da Buxx, messin around with some pantywaist-wearin' freaky-deaky Electric Boogaloo orchestra sheeeat!"

First off - waddup wit da ebonics dawg? And secondly - to set the topic for the agenda, I'm sure we've all experienced those Penny-Dropping moments in history, where once the truth is revealed a collective dog-whine "WaaaaAWWW!" appears on one's face! But its not just in the finding out - to expand on the Penny-Drop, I have created the phrase Penny-Ripple to describe the revelations and ramifications which become apparent after the finding out! Popular examples include, finding out that all your great comic icons from the 80s *all* originated from Saturday Nite Live (Chase, Murray, Murphaaaay!), how it was a "anti-climax" when George Michael came out (i thought he was still sowing oats and that Gay = Marilyn!) or when you realised why kids gave you shit at school by referring to "Your Two Dads"…Today, its all about tha Musical Penny-Ripples babeeee - a must-read for all ScarfRockers! (suckaz!)

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ELO = Electric Light Orchestra = Easy Listenin Overlords!!
Yeah I bought the Best Of last week - I'll fight ya! But in the context of this article, and prefacing all future statements in the knowledge that for BD DubSac being The Best Dude Like Ever to admit his fallabilities in musical history is a big ask, so bear with me as I explain this most recent Penny-Drop…

Basically, I knew ELO sang "Its A Living Thing", which is one of those Rock Hudson tracks (ie secretly gay but totally choice! aka the Guilty Pleasure) and being the free-wheelin' and dealin' cat that I am (and recognising "Don't Let Me Down" on the back), I comprehensively purchased said Best Of.

Now, I turn the CD cover to read the revelation - The Penny-Drop - The Great Moment, if you will:
"all words and songs by: Jeff Lynne

Now, if Fancy will just keep it down for a minute, to me - this was a revelation…the "WaaaaAWWW Fuck yeah, this guy who writes Beatles/ Beach Boy harmonies singing every song about "all over the m'fn world" and sounds exactly like George Harrison and Roy Orbinson's last two records, is that same fuckin guy who I've always wondered "Who the Fuck Is That Fifth Guy" in the Travelling Wilbury's!!"

[The Penny-Ripple] Now I know why all Travelling Wiblury's songs sound like 4 famous dudes on an ELO track! Still not sure where Jeff gets off fusing Queen with Beach Boys and why he has an afro…or how the fuck one man constitutes an entire goddam orchestra!

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Earth, Wind and Motherfuckin Fire = Soul/ Disco/ R&B Sensations of the 70s
Man, I love their shit! They rock some slow freaky shit, some uptempo disco grooves - they perfected having 82 people on stage with 4 on instruments and 78 on vocals, in some tripped out one-piece superhero costume shit! Masters Of The Danciverse. Okay, so yeah, "Fantasy" is another Rock Hudson fave of mine, and some may group "September" in there also…

So there I am flicking through the gateway foldout, trying to find the bit about where the Coke pile wasn't big enough for 82 mouths, when who should I find out is leading this shit:
lyrics and lead vocals: Phillip Bailey

PHIL "THE PHUCK" BAILEY!!

Hang on - wasn't there some hella random thin-tie wearin' freak hanging out with Phil Collins in the mid-80s? "Easy Lover", "Chinese Wall"???

[The Penny-Ripple] I always wondered how they could keep a brother down with an 18-octave vocal range! The man could sang! (have you *heard* those notes at the end of "Fantasy" and "After The Love Is Gone" - El Castrato homes!) Well hey, it was the 80s, and Phil's were taking solace in each other! "Easy Lover" is a rocking song, possibly only so due to Bailey's appearance and his submissive demeanour which allows him to humour the creative-vacuum that is Phil "Suedif'nwhat?" Collins. Phil Bailey is Da Mang mang!

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Chicago = Not Boston = Celine Dion considers them "hard"
Okay, now we enter The Ben Affleck Zone, where the songs are considered so mainstream and, well, gay, that it is hard to profess your love for their beauty except over 40 beers at a local karaoke joint…(seriously, I can watch Affleck in Kevin Smith movies - thats it! he peaked in f'n Mallrats!)

Always wondered who did that really timeless song about "leave me now" taking "my biggest part away", french horns, sweeping orchestral arrangements - or that other one about everybody "needing a little time away" and my *still to this day controversial* stance on the phrasing of the third verse "After all the whoooo(WTF?) we've been through". They rock a soft ballad harder than Extreme!!

So, I'm sifting through my beloved gate-fold (as Matty Milner never taught me), and lo' and behold:
lyrics and vocals: Peter Cetera

Oh My God…..
Just one Hall from Hall & Oates-lookalike mu'fuckka is churning out this gold?? Haven't I heard this kinds of 80s rock pap a million other times before?….

[The Penny-Ripple] Now, if you haven't seen Karate Kid, I'd venture to say you've either a) not been born, b) got a BETA and ain't changing, or c) are standing on some crazy principle that Scott Baio should've got that role man! "Glory Of Love" is a seminal montage/ fighting/ fighting for love/ winning over chicks with fighting….for love!/ chicks before fighting/ love over fighting but still must be fighting-fight/love ballads of ALL TIME! Guess who sang that one too….This dude basically wrote my entire teenage soundtrack, which spookily actually involved a crusty old martial arts instructor, moving to Jersey (Mandurah), and Billy Zabka! No shit!

So now its back to you, dear shithead (just testing to see if anyone read to this point), to state your…
GREAT MOMENTS IN PENNY-DROPPING [MUSICAL] HISTORY!!

$BDW$
Deez4Premiers05

I'm sure the Melbournites would have already read the Herald Scum from cover to cover, but I post this for the benefit of our interstate/national readers. What a nice old lady right?

Wrong! Read on…
—–EXTENDED BODY:
She's all right! She's all right! She's all right with me!

Neil Charles Rabinowitz and his conglomerate - found: quantity of sheep - are launching their album DVD the evening of Thursday, July 7th.

Perth people head to Lune Leederville for the 7pm screening of the songs and the films made by a series of local movie makers commissioned by f:qs.

Guy Hamilton Howlett, Rabinowitz, Michael Winlo et al and Giovanni Torre himself are among the film-makers.

Selah!