The Kilbot Factory

Plug for DJKL

Hey everyone!

I have decided that I am going to turn my site into an mp3 blog.

It's all the rage, and all the kidz are doing it, you know.

So please drop by and visit and download some of my favourite mp3s… for evaluation purposes only, of course. I'll be putting up a few every week.

Clicky here for mp3 loving

This Man is a Genius

Anglican Dean John Shepherd should be made Lord of Perth. I always knew that Anglicans were cooler than Catholics.

Check out the article from todays West:
continue reading …

Limbo

I hate this time of year.

No more footy, the cricket hasn't started, and all we have is the trade week and draft to see us through.

Meh.

That is all.

MICHAEL MOORE: DEAR MR BUSH

This appeared in a London newspaper.

Dear Mr Bush,

Any idea where all our helicopters are? It’s Day 5 of Hurricane Katrina and thousands remain stranded in New Orleans and need to be airlifted. Where on earth could you have misplaced all our military choppers? Do you need help finding them? I once lost my car in a Sears parking lot. Man, was that a drag.

Also, any idea where all our National Guard soldiers are? We could really use them right now for the type of thing they signed up to do like helping with national disasters. How come they weren’t there to begin with?

Last Thursday I was in south Florida and sat outside while the eye of Hurricane Katrina passed over my head. It was only a Category 1 then but it was pretty nasty. Eleven people died and, as of today, there were still homes without power. That night the weatherman said this storm was on its way to New Orleans. That was Thursday! Did anybody tell you? I know you didn’t want to interrupt your vacation and I know how you don’t like to get bad news. Plus, you had fundraisers to go to and mothers of dead soldiers to ignore and smear. You sure showed her!

I especially like how, the day after the hurricane, instead of flying to Louisiana, you flew to San Diego to party with your business peeps. Don’t let people criticize you for this – after all, the hurricane was over and what the heck could you do, put your finger in the dike?

And don’t listen to those who, in the coming days, will reveal how you specifically reduced the Army Corps of Engineers’ budget for New Orleans this summer for the third year in a row. You just tell them that even if you hadn’t cut the money to fix those levees, there weren’t going to be any Army engineers to fix them anyway because you had a much more important construction job for them – BUILDING DEMOCRACY IN IRAQ!

On Day 3, when you finally left your vacation home, I have to say I was moved by how you had your Air Force One pilot descend from the clouds as you flew over New Orleans so you could catch a quick look of the disaster. Hey, I know you couldn’t stop and grab a bullhorn and stand on some rubble and act like a commander in chief. Been there done that.

There will be those who will try to politicize this tragedy and try to use it against you. Just have your people keep pointing that out. Respond to nothing. Even those pesky scientists who predicted this would happen because the water in the Gulf of Mexico is getting hotter and hotter making a storm like this inevitable. Ignore them and all their global warming Chicken Littles. There is nothing unusual about a hurricane that was so wide it would be like having one F-4 tornado that stretched from New York to Cleveland.

No, Mr Bush, you just stay the course. It’s not your fault that 30 per cent of New Orleans lives in poverty or that tens of thousands had no transportation to get out of town. C’mon, they’re black! I mean, it’s not like this happened to Kennebunkport. Can you imagine leaving white people on their roofs for five days? Don’t make me laugh! Race has nothing – NOTHING – to do with this!

You hang in there, Mr Bush. Just try to find a few of our Army helicopters and send them there. Pretend the people of New Orleans and the Gulf Coast are near Tikrit.

Yours, Michael Moore

KizzL’s AFL Compizzle Fo Shizzle

An important message from DJ KL.

In the absence of BDW, I have taken over the asylum!!

You are invited to join my AFL 2005 Footy tipping competition at OzTips.com – Your Sports Tipping Headquarters online.

Comp Number: 51792
Comp Name: KizzL’s AFL Compizzle Fo Shizzle
Password to join: thewizard

To join:
—————-
1. Go to www.oztips.com.

2. From the home page, select “I’m new and I want to tip”, and setup a user account (if you don’t already have one on OzTips.com).

3. Select “I want to join a Tipping Comp” on the home page, or the “Tipping” tab.

4. Enter the Comp Number and Password details above.

5. That’s it. Full instructions on how to tip can be found on the site by clicking on the “Help” tab.

Regards,
DJ K to the I-zzL

OK… How about this one?

Well, it certainly appears that “Purse Your Lips” isn’t going to be as popular as some of the other Crap-Tel products. Unless we start to give away Masters of the Universe figures with every copy sold.

So, how about this? Our marketing gurus have come up with a new idea for a compilation album featuring the greatest synthesiser riffs in history. Possible album titles include:

“Synthcronicity”

“That Synth Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”

“The Seven Deadly Synths”

Here’s a few tracks to give you the flavour:

Jump/Van Halen

The Final Countdown/Europe

Just Can’t get Enough/Depeche Mode

So, let’s hear it, people. We want synth riffs and we want them now.

EDIT: This thread has gone to hell. The comments have turned into a bitch-fight between BDW and Vadge-Ra, with several unwholesome photos. Visit at your peril.

A new compilation album in the works

Following the enormous success of Crap-Tel’s first two compilation albums (“A Call to Arms” and “Songs Called Jump”), Matty Milner and I have decided that we need to release a third installment.

This new compilation is tentatively titled “Purse Your Lips: The World’s Greatest Whistling Songs”.

We have a few hits lined up, but we need your help. Please tell us your favourite whistling ditties and help make this the biggest and best Crap-Tel release so far.

The beginning of our tracklisting:

Jealous Guy/John Lennon or Bryan Ferry

Love in Motion/Icehouse

Alpha Beta Gaga/Air

So as you can see, we need your help. Let’s hear it people. We want whistling, and we want it now.

The Tale of Burley

As you may or may not know, last weeks Freo game against the Bwissie Lions was the Paterson’s Guide Dog Game.

Anyway, they had a competition to name three puppies, and I was one of the lucky winners: I suggested the name “Burley” for Luke McPharlin’s puppy. It’s a long story, but basically the name came to me in a dream, so I am some kind of crazy soothsaying psychic.

So, Lou and I got to go to a corporate function before the game, have an excellent lunch, tank up on free booze, and generally run amok with the VIPs.

Then we got ushered down to the oval at about 1.45 for a puppy presentation and a quick interview with that uber-hack Orion from 92.9.

Standing on the oval was a very bizarre and surreal experience. Not something you get to do every day. Luckily we had my dad’s digicam, so we were able to document the moment for your enjoyment.

If you are lucky you will be able to check our photos here.

(If the interweb decides that it won’t let you see the pics, I will sort something out next week.)

Oh yeah, and the Dockers crushed the Lions like BUGS. All in all a pretty mintox day.

Birthday Wishes For Fancy Dave

Dearest Fancy Dave

We thought that on this auspicious occasion, we would express our feelings through the medium of a poem written by John Lillison, England’s greatest one-armed poet:

The Pointy Birds
O pointy birds, o pointy pointy,
Anoint my head, anointy nointy.

For a beautiful webpage rendition of this wondrous poem please visit this page.

But perhaps Lillison’s only other surviving work also has some relevance on this important day:

In Dillman’s Grove
In Dillman’s Grove my love did die,
And now in ground shall ever lie.
None could ever replace her visage,
Until your face brought thoughts of kissage.

Much love to you on your thirtieth birthday (May 23rd)

Kael and Lou

50 Greatest Album Covers? Give me a break…

Here’s the List compiled by the morons at VH1.

This has to be the biggest load of horseshit I have ever seen. Most of these album covers are total trash, or just mind-numbingly boring.

I have no idea how they compiled this list but I’d say Stevie Wonder was on the judging panel.

Let’s take a case in point: Tupac’s All Eyez On Me

Now come on. It’s just a freaking photo of Tupac. Where’s the genius in that? And it’s spelt “eyes” you semi-literate dead hack.

As for that retarded cartoon cover for Snoop’s Doggystyle being in the top ten… well, let’s just say “great album, shit cover.”