I am in Vigliatore. It’s a tiny and relatively new (100 years old) Sicilian town in the north west corner of the island, by the sea. The place is basically a suburb with a few farms in it, but not far from here are some hot spots.
Tindari - stuck up a near by mountain - used to be Tyndaris, a Greek settlement about 3000-3500 years ago. The theatre is still there from those days which in the Summer still gets used by locals for staging plays. The Roman temple around the corner, gymnasium and houses are still in relatively good shape. The town itself is tiny, and is also host to a 400 year old church which houses a 900 year old Madonna and baby Jeebus from the Eastern Roman Empire which washed up on the beach below.
Barcellona (our Barcellona) and Milazzo are both crackers of towns. Milazzo is famous because Garibaldi landed on its beach in 1860 with a thousand troops with the intention of kicking arse and chewing gum. As it turned out he was all out of gum and as a result Italy was a united country by the end of 1861.
Siracusa used to be Archimedes’ home town. Zareen and I spent two nights there checking out the sites. Archimedes helped keep the joint and independent Greek city state for a while, but eventually the Romans swept through it like a storm, killing and maiming. Fortunately most of the resulting mess was mopped up and it is now a picturesque holiday destination.
We checked out the temples of Apollo and Athena, as well as bits of Greek wall and a Roman arsenal. On the first night a big 16th century silver statue of Santa Lucia was paraded through the streets in a procession similar to that in The Godfather II when Vito kills Fanucci, completely with brass marching band, but with more impressive fireworks at three different stops. The statue is solid silver and is complete with a dagger through the unfortunate young lady’s neck. I saw some folks rub their kid on it for good luck - we’re so much more advanced than Pagans! Since it’s solid silver it took 6 hours for the procession to make it from St Lucia’s place to the temple of Athena, which has recently been turned into a Catholic church. (this is even worse than what they did to the big old Commonwealth Bank in Perth!)
Plenty of good grub is being consumed, especially at my zio and zia’s place. My cousins are an energetic bunch and say hilarious stuff like
“It’s hot in Australia, when I visit I will come nude, without underpants.” Frikkin Torres. Little Maddalena, aged 5, put on a headband with a fork stuck in it and announced she was an Indian, with the intention of making Zareen feel at home. While we are on the subject of Ms Kuriyan feeling at home here, four different people have believed her to be Sicilian. I guess Dennis Hopper was right.
K-Bot, tell me how to post photos.
Selah!
GT
theHirsch says:
Remember to take some snaps of religious artefacts and such (frescos, paintings, sculpture, architecture) for me. Hope you're both having a great time and I'll catch youse when you get back. :weirdo:
KL says:
Jeeves, you must have been happy with the Pakis romping to a mammoth score of, including Younis tragically run out on 199 (!) and Afridi smashing 103 off about 4 balls, including 27 off one over, while Akmal kept up with a lazy 102 not out. Chuck in Yousuf's 173 and you got a pretty darn good batting effort.
Billy Zabka says:
Fuck Billy Zane!
*ahem* Geeves may find his glee at the abovementioned Pakistan score somewhat tempered by the fact that Dravid and Sewhag went into open 2 days ago…they are now 12 runs off the world record opening partnership…
India 0/403…
Where's Sami?
Giovanni says:
They were batting on some frikkin carpet.
Thing is, I love Sehwag and Dravid anyway.
I don't know where Sami is. Injured maybe? His action is clean as a whistle so it's no techno-trouble.
I'd love to see these two teams duke it out on a real pitch, it would be a cracker.
Mohammad Yousef is now ranked number 10 with the bat in the world. Not to mention Inzy at 4 and Shoaib Aktar at 4 for the bowling.
Add that mad man Afridi, who now averages something like 39 in tests at a strike rate of 80+, Younis Khan, Yousef Youhana, Salman Butt (scored 100 vs the Aussies) and the ever blossoming talents of Kamran Akmal. Also there's Sami, Rana and Kaneria bowling.
Then you got Dravid, Sachin and Sehwag in the top 10, Kumble and Pathan in the other top 10 and Pathan ranked as the number 4 all-rounder.
Add Harbajhan Singh, Agrakar, Ganguly and Dhoni (maybe Laxman too).
CLASH OF THE FUCKEN TITANS
Australia MUST play a five test series against India.
KiZZL says:
I hears ya, Geeves. Sounds like India and Australia are cooking up an Ashes style clash every two years, and the ICC don't like it one little bit.
Well I say FUCK THE ICC AND THE DONKEY THEY RODE IN ON.
Giovanni says:
He Is Risen.
Shahid "The Madman" Afridi has just scored 156 off 128 with 20 boundaries and six sixes in the first innings of the second test vs India. Inzy chipped in with a century of his own as Pakistan rollicked to 588.
(Injuns now 1/175 in reply.)
Afridi now averages 39.7 in tests at a strike rate of 85.7/100. This includes a whopping 47 sixes in 39 test innings.
fancy dave says:
As we've established, a decent surface is required to test these "Superman versus Predator" theories. Or ideally a range of different ones.
I propose a 4-yearly Test cricket tourney, offset by 2 years from the "World Cup". It would last for SIX FUCKING MONTHS!!!
Every Test nation would play every other, home and away. With these results, cull the teams to 4 and DO IT A-FUCKING-GAIN!!! Then get the top 2 and play a final at Lord's.
We'd obviously need a system for making a "result" of some kind out of the scoreline from a draw, but I reckon if FUCKING REVENUE could be put on the back-burner in favour of cricket (sorry, CRICKET!!!) then the concept would work. At a loss, but hey… sport's the winner.
KizzL says:
Great idea, Fancy, except I say fuck Lords, have the final at the MCG.
What is up with the Paki pitches at the moment? Talk about batting paradises.
Get Gilly over there quick smart so he gain regain some confidence.
KizzL says:
"gain regain"? I meant "can regain" of course. I get excited when I type things about the Gillitor.
Blazin Billy Zabka says:
Howsabout Mr Mom/Cricket? - that diamond duck woulda FUCKED his average!
Remember when Katich was Hussey? (Real reason Hussey is dominating is coz he ain't no stinking Warriors TRAITOR!) That being said, Kat was there for his patience in the test arena… farknose why he is still in the 1-day team..
Anyhoosers, here's my 1-day team for the World Cup!
Jacques
Gilchrist
Ponting
Martyn
Clarke
Symonds
Hussey
Hogg
Lee
Bracken
McGrath
(S) Clark (bowling)
(S) Hodge (batting)
Warney's no chance with Hogg playing like an 18 year old [with his first copy of Big Juggs!] And I prefer Bracken and Clark for the economic bowling and endeavours to counter Lee's "glamour fast bowler" motif, by bringing The Dull!
No room for Kat, Haddin or Hunky Freakin Dorey!
And Hussey's average would be over 1000.00 if he was born in Calcutta…
BBZ
KizzL says:
Not a bad line-up there, although Haddin will be in the squad as back up wickie, so he will be there regardless.
The Traitor Katich must go. If he was still playing for WA he would have been dropped months ago.
Not sure about Marto… he may have done his dash and could be headed for a career of 20/20 games only. Maybe a newcomer like Voges or David Hussey could have a crack at that supersub batting spot and put Hodge in the first 11?
And it's "Jaques" not "Jacques". He ain't no stinkin' South Efriken.
Giovanni says:
In my latest cricket column 'doosra' I denounce the malady of resting good players and replacing them with people who bowl balls that neither swing nor turn nor seam at 120km/h.
James "No" Hopes, anyone?
JL should be in the One Day team.
KizzL says:
And where does one read this aforementioned "doosra" column?
JL in the one day team is a pretty good call, but he is getting on a bit. Will he still be fit for the World Cup in 2007?
milsner says:
Dear Billy, thank you for putting me in your one day team. I will not do anything to let you down. Except for singing along to the Choirboys in the Aussie dressing room.
Giovanni says:
The Midweek Herald, sold in Freo newsagents. Comes out on Tuesdays…
So far I have written columns;
Calling for a 5-test series with India
Backing the retention of Shahid Afridi in the Pakistan test side
Defending Murali
Denouncing Twenty20
Saying the key to the Windies doing well was two things - Chanderpaul and discipline
And now, calling on the ACB to field the best available players…
As for the Oz XI -
JL
Gilly
Jaques
Punter
Marto - he's still got it
Hussman - the world's 2nd best batsman*
Hodge
Lee
Bracken
TheTongue
McGARTH
Symonds - bat sub
Dizzy - (Yeah you heard me) - bowlin'
*The world's best batsman is Inzamam-The fucken Leviathan-Ul-Huq
Barney says:
That's a good farkin cricket side right there. I'd swap Hodge and Symonds but either way we should be dominating that World Cup next year.
KizzL says:
Just following today's game on the interweb, and Mr Vaas is listed as "WPUJC Vaas".
Now I know that the C stands for Chaminda, but what are his other 4(!) names?
Geeves, I bet you know, don't you?
GT says:
It's W P Usantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas
I recall that the first two names are fucken huge. He has the longest name in cricket history, which is odd given that Vaas is an incredibly short name for a Lankan.
Zanger Bob says:
Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas.
Beautiful, isn't it?
Billy Zabka says:
so, given the abovementioned mouthful of names, how in the fuck do we get:
Russel Arnold? (aka Murray's black twin!)
And could these "pundits" get the hell off McGarth's back? Terry freakin Aldeman and Rodney "Not The Good" Hogg who played cumulative 3 tests between them, have no leg to stand on when it comes to longetivity
GT says:
McGARTH is the man. I used to hate him, but I learned to love him, like Winston Smith learned to love Big Brother, (the Big Brother in Nineteen Eighty-Four, not that pile of shit squeezed from a gaping wound in the bowel of a beast which has eaten only rotten flesh for twenty years that they screen on the television machine), because of the sheer genius of the man.
He is a surgeon with that ball. And he should play until the day he drops dead running in to bowl another textbook yorker to the grandson of Sunil Gavaskar.
b. perms says:
John Howard hates Big Brother the TV show. A new era of bilateral conservatism?
GT says:
Yeah, well Howard and I agree that Bin Laden is a cunt. I don't think there's too much to read into our mutual dislike of BB.
And by BB, I do not refer to Bridgitte Bardot, as referred to in the Gainsbourg classic, Initials BB.
KizzL says:
Dear Zanger Bob,
I don't know who you are, but thank you for answering my question so promptly.
Mr Vaas does indeed have an epic name.
GT says:
Fuckin hell.
Yesterday's Oz had old man Frank Devine bangin' on about Twenty20 being scheizen. Schiezen? Anyway - he stole his idea from the column I wrote 2-3 weesk back and did it a lot worse than I did.
Rupert - give me a job.
Blazin Billy Zabka says:
So Mike Hussey wrote another breathtaking expose in his column the other day - claiming to have the REAL reasons behind the nicknames…
Apparently, Mr Cricket was bestowed upon him because he "lives, eats, breathes, shits cricket!"…
Funnily enough, "Punter" is so named, due to his love of the occassional flutter at the dishlickers…
(Great work Huss - whatabout actually giving us something, like how the frickin hell the least charismatic person in the world, Stuart "Two Names" Clark, has the nikname "Safraz"????)
But the most stunning/ borderline racist was the reveal of why Symonds is called "Roy" - The story goes that this stems back to the fact that when he was growing up in Qld, he allegedly bore a slight resemblance to NBL basketballer, Leroy Loggins…..
[img]http://www.nbl.com.au/_content/image/00001389-image.jpg[/img]
AND
Andy
[img]http://www.adrenalinsportsbar.com.au/247venue_images/9-2005223-Andrew_Symonds.jpg[/img]
Now, far be it from me to suggest that given that Leroy Loggins was perhaps the ONLY black person in Queensland in the 80s - and given Symonds was prolly the ONLY black person playing cricket in Qld in the 80s - that his nickname was bestowed upon him PURELY due to skin colour… Fuckin hell, does ANYONE see anything even remotely resembling facial similarity???
Methinks they should stick to the "Roy Rogers" (ie gunner) theory…fark me!
GT says:
I noticed that BBZ, and though it was a bit fucken off.
By the way, what can you say about Chaminda Vaas that hasn't already been said about Dr Christian Barnard, Gandhi, Karl Marx, Jesus Christ, Albert Einstein, Alexander Fleming and Pelé?
b. perms says:
Badger's Top XIII:
1. Donald Bradman aka "The Don"
2. David Boon
3. Kim Hughes
4. Rod Marsh
5. Alan Border
6. Haydn Bunton
7. Jonty Rhodes
8. Timmy Ray Badger Junior Pardoe
9. Shane Warne
10. That West Indian guy with no neck
11. Dennis Lillee
<a href="http://www.tvdance.com/fun-blog-tools/"><img src="http://www.tvdance.net/images/images_one/napoleon-dynamite_19.gif" border="0"></a>
Billy Zabka says:
Awesome - you do realise XIII = 13…
and I think you mean Gladstone Small, who actually played for Geezertown, but I guess they're all bleck, right you racist prick?
Good left field call on Timmy Ray - he's been chomping at the bit for years, and is almost as reviled as Zoehrer in terms of noteriety for rampant drug abuse and never-make-it-to-Court rape charges…
Also, I think Swampy is bit too high up that order, and AB ONLY BATS AT #6! ONLY!
GT says:
All time coolest XI -
Victor Trumper
David Boon
Vivian Richards
Inzamam-The Leviathian-Ul-Huq
Sir Garfield Sobers
Arjuna "I am in charge out here" Ranatunga
Rod Marsh
Wasim Akram
Michael Holding
Darren Gough
Phil Tufnel
Honourable mention:
Imran Khan, JL, Gilly, Nasser Hussein, every West Indian cricketer ever, Waqar Younis, Aravinda de Silva, "Jack" Russell, Dr Grace, Keith Miller, Richie Benaud… I am having trouble here.
Jim says:
On a side note, with the possible exceptions of Benaud and Bacchus, there is no room for any Australian in that team, Geeves. DK Lillee forfeited any claim to coolness when he became Number 1 Ticket-holder for that football-related company, the West Coast Eagles. Look no further than the West Indian team of the early-mid 80s, with the likes of Haynes, Greenidge, Richards, Garner, Gomes and Lloyd (coolest cricketer ever) etc, for the All-Time Coolest XI.
My Tallest XI:
Graeme Hick
Roger Harper
Clive Lloyd
Chris Cairns
Andrew Flintoff
Curtley Ambrose
Joel Garner
Andy Roberts
Steve Harmison
Bruce Reid
Courtney Walsh
KizzL says:
Jimbo, you forgot Brett Dorey (although he is rubbish, he is very tall) and maybe Aaron Sandilands can play in the off season?
GT says:
It's funny how Inzamam - The Leviathan is only 6'2" but he looks about 3 metres tall.
Billy Zabka says:
when you're lying horizontal!
BAM! There ya go!
GT says:
The FFGP XI -
Dennis med (NO SWING OR SEAM)
Nameless Death Trooper leg-break
Special Agent Power med-fast
Elvin Keneval med
Gavin Keneval off-spin
Dr Zolo
Kenneth Lingus med
Eugene Terra Blanche keeper
Anwar Sedate slow
General Issimo googly
Mungo faeces
12th Man: Helga Kraftwerk
Coach: The Holy Taco
Diva: Baine-Marie Le Penn
Physio: Codename Striker
Skin flute: Baron Von Monocle
As you can see, Dennis is the Boycott-style anchor opening batsman. NDT goes on the attack, SAP has all the shots. The Keneval brothers are our Waughs. Doctor Zolo is also the team doctor. Lingus plays French cricket. Eugene takes the balls down the leg side. Sedate bowls in a relaxed manner. The General can only bowl googlies, he leaves the leg-breaking up to the Nameless Death Trooper. Mungo bowls shit, and shit gets wickets.
Johnny Chainsaw-Hands, Guy Incognito, Mr Fun and The Holy Tacettes round out the squad.
GT says:
And Tarquin Q. Gigolo (AKA Captain Shlong) has been dropped for having sex with Bob Simpson's daughter.
B-Diddy DubSac says:
man, and Domination thought we had problems fitting 10 thugs on stage at once (minus entourage)
PS DT would destroy FFGP in cricket - I never bowl under 98kph…NEVER!
Okay, you forced my hand…
Domination Theory First XI
Randwah Boodwah
The Infamous Frozen D
MC Orsini
Funky Shroud
Funky Hound
Pound 4 Pound
The Reverend
Harsh Reality
Dr. Hotlixx
DJ K2IzL
Fancy D
Paul Jefferies
Coach: The Colonel
Physios: Bump'n'Grind (From Behind)
Sure I named a bodyguard at #11, and Im pretty sure Fancy only played 1 or 2 gigs, but looking at our subcontinent connections - 3 generations of Shroud/ Hound/ Pound - and considering most of our contingent is from Greater Nedlands (a cricketing HOTBED!) - I'd say we only need me on for 2 overs tops… HEAR YE!
Speaking of shit, I found an old flier the other day… it said "Mungo eats faeces".. that made me smile :)
KizzL says:
Sweet, sweet team there, BDW. I think I might need to bat slightly higher up the order, preferably with a right-hander so we can get a good left-right partnership going on. My bowling is for shit, ey.
GT says:
Mo fo - I never bowl faster than 98 metres per hour - my googlies are so slow you'll go into a coma and fall backwards - getting out hit wicket - waiting for them to pitch.
The Taco bowls at 150km/per hour of four paces. Or is that pesos?
FDB played for the FFGP from From the mid 1960s until 1983. So he is ours.
This sounds like a Green vs the Mundine Machine challenge, and you won't be the brother in the white three-piece suit and bowler hat. FFGP will fly Zolo back in his "Leer" Jet to get the XI together for an MCG Boxing Day test.
John Traicos plays for the FFGP.
KizzL says:
Seeing as this is a cricket thread, here's the link to the gag about the Colossus of Mowbray:
[url=http://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/transcripts/s1574119.htm]Giant Ricky![/url]
[img]http://www.abc.net.au/mediawatch/img/2006/ep2/bigricky2.jpg[/img]
Giovanni says:
That's hot. I saw their should be protraits of Punter everywhere in Tas like Saddam Motherfucken Hussein.
Also, the Pakistani U19s just knocked off India's U19s 109 runs to 71. In a full, proper one-dayer. Now that's what I call a fucken pitch!
Giovanni says:
Holy shit - 4.23am, now wonder I made so many horrible fucking mistakes.
Barney says:
Now wonder! But what's the excuse at 8.23, Jeeves? ;-)
GT says:
I hadn't slept yet.
Did I manage that right?