ArtzWatch: Wallbuxx v Chopper v Cake
“Art is all about sacrifice…and if this is the last time you see me, know that I went out in my own clothes, and this was my sacrifice to you, whoevers youse are…”
- BD Wallbuxx, Tristan’s, 21.10.05
Mark “Chopper” Read chops cake – “Chop Chop” chant ensues
To witness the most startling, confronting and no-bullshit interview EVAH conducted on Community TV, otherwise known as “Chopper Art: The Wallbuxx Files”, tune in to:
GALLERY WATCH
Melbourne – C31 Melbourne 9:30AM
Nationwide – FOXTEL, Channel 183 (Aurora TV, first screening 11:30AM and 11:30PM
Repeated over October 27, 28, 29th
Click here for CTV NewsFlash and other details
Read on for more INCLUDING *EXCLUSIVE* pictures, and notes from the occassion…
Now, I know what you’re thinking….”That c**t Wallbuxx knows as much about art as, say, Chopper”…and you’d be right! And this is possibly what made us the most apt pairing for the occassion (outside of the allegedly “offduty” cops in minis…Poncho never wore that on the beat…)
Suffice to say, the convoluted tales of why and how the crap I got this job, do not bear more than a passing thought (Abridged: “NO EXPERIENCE NECESSARY!”). The more pressing issue is how the fark did it come TO THIS!???!
Uncle Chop Chop and Uncle Wallbuxx give the Cement Mixer Story “Two-Thumbs Up!”
Now, not to reveal too many details, but the upshot was that after a successful “application” “process” *cough* my second-ever interview was to be with this “up and coming artist”….Mr Mark Read…
“Sign a brutha UP!”
So on a breezy Friday evenin, the Crew (aka me and producer/ cameraman ye olde crazy Hungarian Tibor “FuckShit”) wound up at Tristan’s The Gallery to voxpop the invitations-only opening nite crowd…
“CUT TO THE CHASE FUCKER!”
Shit mate, settle down…anyrate, after the perfunctory voxpopping of random folk ["Art! How good is it?"] we finally got around to interviewing The Chopper…in the alley out the back outside the Muay Thai training centre, great!
Now, most of the interview is a blur, but thankfully I had written some angles, queries and witty insults beforehand (one of those is not true!) – the upshot of what I can recall is:
* a crowd gathering around taking photo’s, cracking up at Uncle Chops tales of yore!
* Chopper only recognises Art Cullen and the other female who drew the piccies for his childrens books, as the total extent of the “arts community”
* He doesn’t paint in his sleep (der, good question jackass!)
* He doesn’t beat around any bushes when it comes to answering The Question Everyone Wants To Ask, and no, its not “no cash here…here…no cash?” More like “how do you explain your first ever exhibition selling out in 24 hours?”
* NO Aboriginal influence on his work
* What he really wants to do to the comedy writing team of the “Ronnie Johns Half Hour…”
* The following people are gay/ homers/ bi’s: Ned Kelly, Bob Hawke, Jamie Packer, Ian Thorpe, oh, and Sydney Nolan
* Chopper’s “associate” “Mick from Collingwood” advising that we had better veto half the shit Chopper had just said (“No worries mate, its *community* tv! Noone watches!”)
And prolly a lot more hilarious stuff which ended on the cutting room floor – so you can blame this bloke ;)
“fucken” Tibor and “fucken” Chopper downloading “Crazy Frog” onto his Palm Pilot
It was hectic, and Chop was on fire, interrupted only by the need to take a drag of a dhurry and exhale in yonder direction. He even asked me my name at the end *sniff* luvvin it!
Hopefully this doesn’t end in libel/ cement mixers, and Im glad I also got to interview The Chop before he disappeared from the function and came back a whole lot less fired up than before…
When I started witnessing 50+ yo “dancing” to “house tunes” in the gallery, I knew it was time to make like Aaron Davey…
Anyrate, apparently I’ll also be on the same time/ deal the following week doing my First Ever gig at the launch of Artopia (Fremantle), where I harrangued some hippies wearing my gayest Maroon 5 outfit – and you can all wonder, “how did this shithead get even worse than the week before?”…and now ya know!
$BDW$
