Nov200426

kilbot

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Sperm testimonials

I have been offering sperm (and other organs) for over a year with very little success, it seemed I couldn’t give it away… but in the last week I have had three separate orders. I’m just glad I kept practicing during the quiet period. Click on “read more…” for a transcript of one of the orders… as you can see I need some testimonials (pronounced teste-moan-ials) for my sperm, if you feel qualified to speak on my man-milk please leave a comment below.

Original Order:
sperm: on
name: vix
comments: I require fresh spermatozoae. Yum.
I do not have a credit card.
Can I order via land mail?Ta x

My Reply:
Hi Vix, thanks for your enquiry!

My spermatoza is some of the finest going around (depending on who you ask ;).

I appreciate that some customers don’t have a credit card (especially our underaged sperm buyers), if you like you can send a money order and a stamped, self-addressed envelope to my home address in Melbourne. I can pop some sperm in and have them back in the mail before Christmas (nothing says “Merry Christmas!” like sperm).

Cheers
Paul D. Kilbot

Vix’s Reply:
I am not underage (sorry to get your hopes up), merely perverted, but trying to avoid debt-slavery.
Does $20 pay for ‘one shot’, so to speak, or a pre-set volume?
I would actually be very interested in reading any references you may have regarding your sperm quality and or quantity. I can add $5 to the price for administrative fees, if needed. Remember, though, that if your product is good I can really shift some volumes.
As for mailing arrangements, can you package it so that it arrives guaranteed fresh? I don’t want to make myself ill. I could include a thermos flask with my order.
Alternatively, I live in Victoria myself. How would you feel about meeting to effect the transfer?
Thankyou for your prompt reply,
vix

  • theHirsch
    Will there be a kosher line?
  • ms forces
    ... (yep ms is feminist stuff)
  • miss forces
    thanks for the clarification
  • killer
    <span style="width: 400px; background-color: #F5F5F5; border: 1px solid #000000; display: block; padding: 10px 10px 10px 10px;">Hello Paul,

    Hmm, no real testimonials, but (as I could previously tell from your site) you and your friends sure know how to whoop it up.

    I was joking about volumes, but I am pretty serious about the semen. I haven't had any for a while, and I've almost forgotten the taste. I am writing a book, and in it the protaganist is on the streets sucking cock; there's this bit where someone shoots right over her mouth and face (yep this is feminist stuff). I just want to do the research right. I had the idea of going to a male ho', but they are generally a bit, well, yucky. So that adventure was over before it started. Then I thought - someone has got to be selling sperm on e-bay. They were, but you were closer to where I live, and you seem kinda sweet and goofy, (although why that matters I don't know) and your prices can't be beat.

    And don't go eating any Semenex or not taking drugs; that's the taste I want. In fact, if you could catch a bad case of some STD...

    Oh dear, I just thought - can I catch STDs from sperm? Maybe you'd better not get one.

    I think an exchange in person might be best, though. I'm not sure if I trust you to keep it fresh.

    Thanks,

    Vix</span>
  • Giovanni
    Alex and I are discussing Doctor Detroit.

    I have just finished writing a film script.

    The movie is 32 seconds long and entitled "Two Fucking Mouths".

    It has a cast of 29. Tired now sleep.
  • Taco
    This Christmas the Torre sausage will be in every mouth
  • Giovanni
    Remember the Torre Beef Company?

    (No shit, there is actually a Torre Beef Company in WA.)

    Taco, remember our slogan?
  • Taco
    I don't see where the scam is. I've been scraping Kibot's sperm off all sorts of surfaces and selling it on the interweb to Jerry for years. Are you calling me corrupt? The world's collective mouth is yelling out for a fresh shot of Kilbot.
  • Lu
    Aah, you never were a very good speller (not a put-down, merely an observation).

    I never had any scams to stymie!! Ok, maybe a couple. But in this case you just left yourself wide open - I couldn't resist...besides, Jeeves was a little concerned re: this particular scam.
  • killer
    quite lu. i didn't stymie any of your scams.
  • Lu
    Paul, I highly recommend that your potential customers ADOPT. Or buy a puppy. I have a moral obligation to dissuade these poor unsuspecting women from taking such desperate measures as to create offspring from your semen.
  • Barney
    Hehe... Semenex - Love Never Tasted So Good[sup]TM[/sup]
  • killer
    Hang on a second.. that's just Jerry pretending to be someone who wants my sperm. Why didn't you just ask for it, Jerry? You know I would have given you a taster for free.
  • killer
    [b]If I had more money to spend, could I get any special features with my sperm?[/b]
    Yes, I have my "Liquid Marble" line. It takes a bit longer to prepare; I will abstain from drug use for one week before production and during that time I will only drink <a href="http://www.semenex.com/whatissemenex.htm" target="_blank">Semenex</a>. Each spermatozoa comes with a numbered certificate of authenticity. Ms Lee Bsc will also provide a full scientific and gastronomic critique.
    "Liquid Marble" costs $1000 for OSL.

    [b]You can't spell. Are you retarded?[/b]
    Possibly. But I had the potential to be smart, at some time in my teens I chose to sacrifice brain cells for cheap wine... so as long as I have nothing to do with the child-rearing, any children born with Kilbot Sperm(TM) should be fine.
  • killer
    Hi Vix, hope you don't mind me posting your emails. Most people here have sat in a spa with me and therefore should be qualified to give you an honest reference.

    I will answer some of your other questions here, that way they can serve as a FAQ for any other interested buyers.

    [b]Does $20 pay for 'one shot', so to speak, or a pre-set volume?[/b]
    $20 is for one standard load (OSL) which is generally around 10cc.

    [b]Can you package it so that it arrives guaranteed fresh?[/b]
    The sperm is packaged in a latex sheath, which is then wrapped in a tissue to cushion the sperm against knocks and bumps.

    [b]How would you feel about meeting to effect the transfer?[/b]
    Person-to-person is my prefered method of delivery, but the buyer is expected to bring a bottle of wine to assist in the production.
  • Giovanni
    Be careful PDK, make sure everything's legally watertight.
  • Giovanni
    I've always said that when hell is full, the dead will walk the earth.

    Hell is full.
  • ms lee
    by the way - i think mr/ms vix is correct about the spelling of spermatozoae.
  • Ms Lee BSc.
    If you give me 80% of your fee (ie. $20) I can arrange a trial under laboratory conditions, a full scientific report and gastronomic critique. I can even recommend a wine.

    However, depending upon what volumes this person is talking about, I would settle for 20% of any orders over $1000.
  • Vix
    Hi, I weigh over 400 pounds, can crush sweetcorn tins between my thighs and am seeking manshakes through the internet...

    WHY WON'T YOU RETURN MY CALLS PAUL???? :broken-heart emoticon:

    *WAAAAH, WAAAAAH* *THWACK* SHUT THE HELL UP YOU LITTLE PIECE OF SHIT, MUMMY'S TALKING TO THAT OTHER PIECE OF SHIT, DADDY!

    Please come home Paulini, Little [S]Perm is hungry and the Gin'n'UHT is empty...
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