Perth, the home of Coffee Chill, RTR FM and Spa Parties…
Here is my movements for the weekend, so y'all know where to find me, or avoid me:
- Boozey Lunch: The weekend will start on Friday with a long boozey lunch in the greater Nedlands area.
- Funk Club: Lunch will turn to dinner and then I'll head into Leederville to watch our very own DJ KL.
- Spa Party: We haven't found a house for the spa yet, but a there will be a spa party starting Saturday afternoon. Barney doesn't know it yet, but I think it is going to be in his shed.
- Ugly Duckling: Saturday's spa party will turn into Sunday's warm up party for Ugly Duckling at the Monkey Bar.
- Spa Revisited: Those will cast iron constitutions will climb back into the murky water for one last spa.
B-Diddy DubSac says:
2 comments if I may:
1) That photo of the Coffee Chill is heavenly! Seriously, there should be a religionbot, where we can sing the praises of The Chill and Allen Jakovich!
2) Spa party with (as yet) no spa and (as yet) no venue - sounds very killaesque! Let's hope Barney (if that is his real name) doesn't use Los Internetos!
Lest We Forget…Fancy's BRA-TAN!!!! :s
"You've got a cunt, with firebolts shooting out his ass…." (remind me to re-jog yer memory on this one KBot!)
Hopefully will catch me Friday nite, when I pull a Birdfarm @ Box on the dex!
$BDW$
fancy dave says:
Jerry, a spa party doesn't need organising - in my experience it will happen when it needs to happen, whether anyone wants it or not.
I must say, I'm getting a tad envious of all this carousing. Ain't squat happening hereabouts. I practically insist that everyone wears a spa-bra in my honour. Except the ladies, of course. (insert emoticon of choice)
And remember to invoke THE RULES!!!! Or should I say the rule.
Rule 1 (of 1):
Whoever is in the spa is a GOD, and the rest are merely there to furnish them with whatever they require - G+Ts, brewskis, a bong/spliff/ciggie (with hand-towel), a little jiggly dancing, etc.
BTW, K-bot, I went with Curtis T. and cashed in 2 of the pool/spa/sauna vouchers my lil' sis gave me for my 30th. Brunswick baths have got it going on! As only 8 sessions remain, you'd better get back on schedule, so's we can eat the remaining goldtops and fuck some municipal shit up!!!
As you (and my official birthdate horoscope) know, I have a special affinity with water relaxation. Who am I to argue with mumbo-jumbo?
fancy dave says:
Oh, and Jerry…
There will soon be a religion, with or without "bot" (probably with). It's been in the works since KL and Lou's engagement party (it does, historically, take a while to get these things off the ground). The above is one of the central tenets, and I'm sure Kilbot will fill you in on some of the rest if you ask him.
No "god", just a corrupt clergy and a servile laiety - we're trying to catch up on the competition as fast as possible. I realise scientology has the jump on us, but we require no suspension of disbelief from the punters - just money and blowjobs!!!
Barney says:
Damn, Fanc… you been drinking and reading the thesaurus again?? It can be dangerous mixing that shit, but I know you know that.
And I believe I'm feeling somewhat envious of this gold top/brunswick Baths mission you speak of… Perhaps a live feed from your digital video camera via Kilbot.net would enable us all to share in your inevitable mirth.
killer says:
God damn Fancy, they are the best posts I have read on kilbot.net… and I'm still laughing at the memories of the spa bra. Any spa I have in Perth will merely be foreplay to the Magic Municipal Mayhem in Melbourne.
B-Diddy DubSac says:
Hey, any religion with Allen Jakovich as "permanent resident DJ" has got my vote…[winky-wink emoticon]
I think we have our "Neverending Quest/ Unanswerable Query" tho'…
"Why, All-That-Is-Holy-Lord-Allen, is your heavenly nectar of the God's [aka The Holy Chill] restricted/ popular only in Bogantowns?"
And don't worry about the fun-in-Perth theory Fancy, it's as fleeting as the prune wrinkles post-spaaaaa…
except, of course, upon MC Bigg Drawers aka Return Of The Loafer at the end of the month - then it'll be like the Appocalypse hit town…
re:Spa-Bra - you know I have that shit ON TAPE, and that homophobe seriously wanted to take youse twose to task! Gold! If you squint, u can also see a rampantly closet homo Los Gringos Badgos sitting outside the spa, with shoes on, like a homo-puppy who lost his bone…awwwww [poofter emoticon]
badger says:
yeah I was kinda scared of getting in that spa what with fancy with his peroxide hair, blackish/brown beard and aforementioned bra about to get his fight on with an meth/x-addled jock in pink [non-ironic] racing bathers…
I too give props to your diction though fancy, I find the line [tt]we can eat the remaining goldtops and fuck some municipal shit up[/tt] highly evocative.
Municipal is such a great word eh? Reminds me of a line from a silver jews song [tt]
A federal woman needs a municipal man[/tt] and then for one of the best choruses ever: [tt]
You can't change the feeling
But you can change your feelings about the feeling in a second or two[/tt]
fancy dave says:
How did you know I'd been drinking, Barnabus?
As a matter of fact, as in many religions, ours does not permit followers to worship in a sober fashion. Instead of holy water (so so gay) alcoholic beverages are mandatorily consumed before, during and after the holy rites are administered.
Actually, that is pretty much the beginning and end of said holy rites. The one proviso is that the drink be consecrated (so as to distinguish the holy rites from a simple drinking session in a spa).
Consecration involves an ordained minister certifying that the drink (which must be communal - i.e. a bowl of punch or a bucket of gin and tonic) contains at least a drop of the drink from the previous ceremony.
Thus every ceremonial drink contains, in theory, a small quantity of the original crunk punch from Archdeacon St. All worshippers are, therefore, effectively drinking with all other adherents to the faith, wherever in space and time they might be.
I hope you can all appreciate the timeless wonder of this founding principle. I think it's so good that the religion needs nothing to be added. Maybe funny hats, or a theme song?
B-Diddy DubSac says:
I think someone needs to bear the official title:
"Lord Of The Crunk Punch"…
haha, just makes me think of "Donkey Punch", which is kinda sick, but cute…in a sick way
Actually, your detailed description of said religion makes it sound as if I have been a dedicated, albeit unknowing, follower since *that forgotten nite* at Sharon's…
I also appreciate the religion's inherent flexibility, noting that you state "[the religion] needs nothing to be added…" replete with the following sentence suggesting additions!
Mayhaps the donning of whatever k-razy hat is within spa-grasping distance is mandatory, whilst singing before every consumption [to the tune of "SexBomb"]
"Crunk Punch, Crunk Punch, You're My Crunk Punch! PUNCH ONNNNNNN! CHUGAMOWWWW!"
i'm sure some more will crop up by the end of Sunday…
KL says:
By the way… how was Ugly Duckling, Killa?
[this comment was edited by kilbot to protect the guilty]
Hamish says:
KL are you still working in the library? I'd recognize that IP address anywhere :>
KL says:
Hey, Hamish, I most certainly am.
They can't get rid of me, and in the words of Depeche Mode, I just can't get enough.
However, it seems that working in a library does not protect you from censorship!
Barney says:
You're right KL - I'm sick of that damn kilbot ruling this site with an iron fist. It's time we, the people, had a chance to ask the hard questions about Ugly Duckling et al…
Who the hell does he think he is, anyway?!? :eek:
fancy dave says:
Someone's been naughty, eh?
Email me personally with the details.
Blazin Billy Zabka says:
SCANDALBOT!!!
In lieu of the fact he may not actually come clean on his own website (whatta cop out - like watching Scooby Doo without the unmasking!), I say we compose our own version of events, sorta like a choose your own adventure…
[b]Killa's Big Nite Out[/b]
"So there I was, right, like combing my carefully manicured fin into position, feeling kinda funky about what the night had in store….
The 22nd warmup gin hit the back of the gullet, and I found myself wondering aloud as I stood before the mirror in a state of undress "hmm, I wonder what it would look like if I tucked it in?"…
Before I could ponder the philisophical ramifications of trasngenderhood, there was a knock at the door…
*KNOCK, KNOCK*…."
[continue here]
killer says:
*KNOCK, KNOCK*….
It was my mum, carrying a pile of clean laundry and a glass of milk. She looked down at me fiddling with my penis,
"Oh, you still doing that 'Dick Tuck' thing?" she asked.
"Yep… So… You and dad are still going away next week, right?" I said, quickly moving the topic of conversation away from my crotch.
"Yeah, do you think you will be OK looking after the business and the house? We don't want to come back to a mess." she warned.
"Everything will be fine," I said, "I just hope those guys on kilbot.net don't beat up any salacious rumours while I'm busy… you know those guys like to shit in my bed."
"So they are the ones that have been shitting in your bed all these years!" she exclaimed.
"No mum, most of that was me… their shit is more like a [url=http://www.calumm.uklinux.net/vdsc/vdsc_options.php]virtual shit[/url]…"
I continued on, trying my best to explain the mysteries of the internet to my ma. She looked and nodded, and pretended to understand when I told her that not everything printed on the net is true… In the end we agreed that she should never believe anything that is said on kilbot.net, and she left the room.
I continued to get ready, blue-tacking my penis in a permanent tuck position so's to keep it in my pants, and headed off to [url=http://www.kilbot.net/mp3/uglyduckling.php]Ugly Duckling[/url] for some good clean fun.
Barney says:
Fuck! Blue tack, man?? That's fucking commitment…
Blazin Billy Zabka says:
[continued]
Little did I know what the night had in store for me and my flexible backwards-bending donger! For you see, the art of the DickTuck lies, not so much in the way the penile tissue is initially manipulated, but rather, the fine issue of keeping it in the one fixed position for the entire nite - Let me tell you this, dear reader, there is nothing more embarassing than talking to a hot touristy type bird, then hearing the *BOOOOIIIING* as the Straightening hurls blu-tack all over one's undergarments!
Regardless of the perils of having my own penis located so close to my poohole, I ventured into the City, to partake in some debauchery with some fellow Gender-Challenged mates who were also keen to investigate possibilities pertaining to the opposite sex *wink, wink* or even some small animals or cuddly toys *nudge, nudge*!
I was strutting my date off as I strolled past the queue outside Monkey-Punch Bar, only to be greeted by security who politely informed me that "i must've thought I was the Queen of Engerland if I thought I was getting in there without a discernable bulge in my pants!"….as I made my way dejectedly back to the end of the line, my attention was jolted back to reality, as I heard a familiar voice utter…
"SHIZER!"
[to be continued]
badger says:
[continued]
and then I realised that the frankly awful sentence "Regardless of the perils of having my own penis located so close to my poohole" rendered me a vile degenerate who should never be let near a computer ever again. Case closed your honour!
[the end]
Blazin Billy Zabka says:
[running commentary]
Sounds like someone is defending their own tenuous gender position….
Bit too close to the bone[r] a Badge?
[resume story below]
badger says:
[against my better judgement]
:eek:
was I the one that plucked a story about early shemalia seemingly from the ether? No, no I wasn't. Whatever gets you off billy, you know, I get it, it's that whole post millenial thing. Just don't drag me into your freak-world dude. It just bums me out. And makes me want to :puke:
Blazin Billy Zabka says:
I think you're confusing the issue here Vadge….(hmmm, interesting freudian slip)….
I am merely a scribe - printing what I observe in this crazy, crazy world we live in….
You, on the other hand, are an avid defender of the cause of hormonally-ambivalent tranny's everywhere, leading me to draw the obvious conclusion…
You didn't Shelf, coz there's something else up there already!!! :gag emoticon:
[end of sickness]
fancy dave says:
sorry I asked
KL says:
Where is rantbot when you need it?
Barney says:
Not to split hairs Billy, but if you're going to be a scribe you should know that the plural of Tranny is actually Trannies, as opposed to Tranny's…